Tag: blogger

Fear Is Just A 4-Letter Word

Fear is a funny thing. It’s a mix of psychological and environmental factors, all rolled into one. Some people thrive off of fear. Not true fear, mind you, but the idea of being scared gets some people’s adrenaline going. It’s the reason horror movies have such a significant Fanbase. Although I don’t quite understand it myself, there is a feeling that being scared and being made to jump is exciting.

I think that one of the draws of these experiences is there is still safety there. In some capacity, you know you are watching a movie or enjoying an experience that won’t truly bring you harm. You can simultaneously experience fear and safety. But what happens when the Safetynet is removed? What happens when we experience fear in the absence of being safe or comfortable?

Of course, like many ideas here I am referring more so to the psychological aspect. Being physically in danger is never OK. There is no situation in which experiencing physical fear is rational. When I think about this, I think more of the psychological aspect.

The idea of “doing something every day that scares you”, or “facing your fears” is one we often preach to others. As if the fear isn’t actually that bad so long as we just suck it up. Is that really fair, though? Does that give enough credence to our emotional well-being? Fear can be debilitating for many, and simply psyching yourself up to face it may not be enough.

So why do we do that? Why do we expect that people should just push their fears to the back of their minds and not appreciate the reality those fears hold? There is a reason humans have a fear response in the first place. Our bodies and minds are wired to fear certain things in an effort to keep us safe – to elicit the fight or flight response. Without fear, we would be more likely to do things that put us in imminent danger. And yet, when it is a psychological fear and not a physical one, we are less likely to count it as helpful. Having a “healthy fear” of strangers and hot stoves makes sense to us But having a fear of rejection or being unloveable is not held in the same regard. Does that fear not serve the same purpose? To protect our mental health and ensure we are safe emotionally?

As a teacher, I am often asked to help troubleshoot student behaviour. I go into other classes and work with teachers to help students succeed. When we are deconstructing a behaviour, there is one question which needs to be answered: What is the purpose of the behaviour? What need is being met (or trying to be met) with this behaviour?

The same can be true for fear. If we get to the root of what we are actually scared of, oftentimes it might be easier to work through it. Is it a magic key that makes it easy to face? Absolutely not. In fact, often time understanding what we are truly fearful of is more upsetting and harder to work through. Because we are peeling away our own layers and doing the inner work to see what motivates us and what we run from. And most times these are direct results of past trauma and/or experiences which are not ideal to revisit.

I told a friend recently that they cannot allow the fear of an outcome to rule their decisions because it will lead to complete avoidance – which inevitably leads to the outcome you are fearful of. The one thing we cannot do is allow fear to take over our lives – to dictate what we can and cannot do. Closing our eyes and pretending it isn’t even there, that it isn’t real, is not realistic either. There has to be a happy medium where we can acknowledge the fears we have and use them to motivate us. Understanding that fear has both a birthplace and a purpose in our heads is the first step. Being willing to discuss them with those closest to us is the next. Allowing the space for those fears, but not allowing them to own us. Sounds super easy, right? Except it’s not. It takes time… lots and lots of time. It takes appreciating the purpose, not ignoring it, and yet giving ourselves the grace to work through it. Which is something I am still working through it.

Giving myself grace is a different beast altogether. I will consider this a work in progress.

This is life. Love, Mom.

September 27, 2022
Have We Entered The Twilight Zone?

**TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains material of a graphic and controversial nature**

I am angry, upset, and speechless. This past week, a historical error was made in the United States supreme court. It took me time before I could even prepare to write this. I had to let the information sit with me, and mull it over for a while. This is the first time in a long time that I needed to formulate my thoughts before I could even begin to put them down on “paper”.

Let me start by discussing Roe vs. Wade, and why it is important. In 1973 the United States supreme court voted against the banning of abortions in Texas, which in turn made abortions legal across the country. It maintained that it was a woman’s constitutional right to her body and decisions surrounding it. Up until that point, women could seek abortions for medical reasons, or travel out of the country if they had the financial means to do so. Those who were impoverished or did not have access to proper medical care sought out illegal clinics or, unfortunately, took matters into their own hands. The decision in 1973 allowed women to access abortions safely when necessary. It is also critical to add that constitutional law overrides state law, so states that wanted to ban or limit abortions no longer had the power to do so.

After the ruling, women were able to make choices about their bodies based on their circumstances. This segued into birth control, health care, body and sexual autonomy. It would appear it was only about one issue, but in fact, so much more came of it. Crime rates, incidents of illegal abortions, and risk of death were all lowered. Employment and healthcare opportunities increased. By normalizing a woman’s right to choose, confidence increased. And yet, this week we were shuttled back 50 years when the court overturned the decision. Before we go any further, an important distinction needs to be made. Being pro-choice is not the same as being pro- or anti-abortion. Pro-choice means you are open to the right to choose. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with her choice. Pro-choice means that you believe that legislation and government should not dictate a woman’s body. And yet, here we are… stripping women of their right to choose what they want to do with their own bodies.

Being pregnant and choosing not to be is not limited to women in committed relationships (although even then it is within a woman’s right to choose). Being pregnant as a result of rape, ectopic pregnancies, or pregnancies with fetal abnormalities are all reasons why women may choose to end the pregnancy. This doesn’t even mention medical or economic conditions which may come into play. I am not sure what upsets me more – the fact that this decision has been overturned or the number of times I have read comments on social media that if you don’t want to be pregnant, you should “just close your legs”. The shame that is placed on women for even being in the position to need to make a choice is its own version of cruel and unusual punishment.

I WISH I was making this up because my faith in humanity drops down a point each time I read a comment like that. It is such a close-minded, myopic, uneducated point of view, which is almost always held by those who have never been put in the position to make that choice.

All that is to say that there is a sense that when a woman chooses abortion it is a flippant decision, which is not necessarily the case. I want to qualify this by saying that I have never personally been in this position but I know others who have. Many women wrestle with the decision and do not come to it lightly. It is one that is made over the course of many days of debates and even more days of questioning after the fact. Women who choose to participate in abortions live with that decision every day – it is one they don’t forget.

The overturning of this decision is about the right to choose, yes. But it is also about power, autonomy, voicelessness, the lack of rights for women, and the even smaller rights for those who are marginalized and impoverished. Yet again, those who have access to money and means will go to another state or another country to safely access abortions. Those who cannot, will be back to illegal clinics and underground means.

For a country that is already grappling with the right to bear arms, and the rampant gun violence that is plaguing communities, it is a sad fact that women seem to have fewer rights than guns. Guns are protected – if you want them you can have them. Women, not as much.

As a mother to a girl, I am sad. Even as I sit here and write this, I think about my own daughter. I am aware that I am writing this in Canada, and I technically don’t have to fear repercussions should she or I ever be forced to make a decision like this. I am grateful that the Canadian government has come out and stated that women’s rights are sacred and will never be up for debate. I am grateful that our country is one that has pledged not to politicize a woman’s reproductive system. But I would be remiss if I didn’t say I am still scared. I read a quote last week that said that “when the United States sneezes, Canada catches a cold”. While I don’t think the same law will come into effect here, our neighbours to the south do influence us. What does it say about the United States that 9 people have been able to make a decision affecting millions? Their morals, beliefs and laws are all, at some point, intertwined with ours. What does it say about us as humanity if the country that is considered one of the most progressive in the worst has sent women back to the dark ages? American children will have fewer rights than their mothers did. This will very sadly have global implications with other countries feeling more empowered to limit women’s reproductive rights.

Interestingly enough, my daughter approached me as I was writing this and asked what I was writing about. I told her I didn’t want her to read it, and that I needed time to explain it to her. And I sit here wondering how I can even begin to verbalize this to her. Not because it is about sex and pregnancy but because it is the opposite of everything I have taught her about her body. I have always been very clear that it is her body, and she has every right to make decisions around it… and yet some people think that shouldn’t be the case. How do I explain to her that if she ever got pregnant and chose not to keep it that she could exercise her right to choose, but so many women have just had that right taken away? And on top of it all how do I begin t explain that there is nothing we can do to change it? Yes, we can donate to organizations, sign petitions and make our voices heard, but at the end of the day, the decision is not ours to make. This is a heavy pill to swallow.

So I sit here, mad and angry. And the truth is, you should be angry, too. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman, a man, a Canadian, an American, someone who is out of child-bearing age, someone who doesn’t want children…. everyone should care. You should care about your mothers, sisters, and friends who are heartbroken by this silencing of their voices. You should care about the fact that women are feeling alone and abandoned. I am heartbroken that this is even a topic of discussion. I am devastated that there are so many women in a FIRST WORLD country that no longer have the autonomy to choose what to do with their bodies. I am enraged that the shame associated with rape and incest is magnified by the legality of the potential additional decision of terminating a resulting pregnancy. I feel helpless about the current state of humanity. Currently in search of an unknown silver lining…

This is life. Love, Mom.

June 27, 2022
Embracing Your Inner Butterfly

I haven’t written in a while – over a month now. It’s not for lack of trying or lack of wanting, but I have just felt distracted. There has been so much change around me lately that I have found it hard to focus. I don’t know about you, but for me, change is one of the most daunting ideas. I revel in the monotony of consistency. But here I am with this cliche revelation – change is HARD.

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong.”
N.R. Narayana Murthy

This past month, we moved. If you were to ask me before this, you would know that I never in a million years thought we would move. I think with my heart more than my head, and I am extremely sentimental. When I look at my old house, I see all our firsts – the first steps, the first meals, the first tooth lost… all of it. I never thought I could break away from that, or see myself living anywhere else.

Like many, I want to say that I can embrace change. I want to let things roll off my back and go with the flow. Sadly, I have quickly learned that is not my forte. Change makes me anxious – not knowing what to expect or being able to control a certain situation breeds fear for me. A lot of times, I’ll admit, that the anxiety and fear come before I am actually IN the change. Psychologists have told me I tend to catastrophize situations and expect the worst before it has even happened. I think, though, that is mostly human nature.

Those who know me, know that butterflies are my spirit animal. A butterfly on my shoulder blade was the first tattoo I designed, the first thing that was important enough to ink permanently on my body. Butterflies symbolize change and the metamorphosis that is possible when you give in to new experiences. The idea that a caterpillar goes to sleep and becomes a butterfly is nature’s way of telling us change can be beautiful. And yet, it doesn’t make it any less scary. Overthinking is a notoriously dangerous trait to possess. Do caterpillars know what is going to happen? Do they feel it in their core? I highly doubt caterpillars have existential crises or have to talk out their feelings about change. Or do they just know that it is something they have to do?

Rational minds will say that change can truly be positive, with many benefits. Becoming more adaptive, flexible, progressive and on your toes. Learning, personal growth and new opportunities can all come from change. I try to live my days as the butterfly. Embracing change and seeing the beauty and the possibilities. I have realized that I am not very good at it, though. Just because something is good, doesn’t make it easy. I love my routine, and I love the security that comes with knowing that comes next. I can readily admit that to myself. It is easy to say that change is good when you look back from the other side. When you’re wading through it – not as much. I think the beginning comes with the realization that it isn’t easy. And maybe it’s not supposed to be. Maybe the beauty is in the journey more so than in the destination. Maybe, just maybe, it’s more about what happens in the cocoon, and less about emerging as the butterfly.

This is life. Love, Mom.

February 7, 2022
How To Become A Pinterest Mom

The idea of a Pinterest mom is simple, really. You spend your free time making Halloween costumes, organizing your home with countless woven baskets, baking healthy meals from scratch and making school lunches filled with cucumbers shaped like flowers and sandwiches shaped like zoo animals. No outing is too small for full makeup and polished hair. You have everything together, and show off your impeccable fashion sense in perfectly curated social media posts. You make weekly trips to your local craft store to stock up on DIY projects you will do with your kids. This is the 21st-century reincarnation of an idea that has been around since the beginning of time.

There are so many women who wish their lives looked more like a page out of a magazine (or social media square). They want their home to be impeccable, all facets of life to be perfect, and be able to do it all (and do it all perfectly). I’m here today to spill the secret of how to evolve into this ethereal being. So want to know how? Step 1: It will not happen 100% of the time. Step 2: Find a new dream.

If this all sounds ridiculous, we can now be friends. The truth is, we may (or may not) have elements of this in all of us. We might be good at one aspect of our lives and struggling in others. To some extent, this insanity goes both ways. I know women who are amazing at certain things but get embarrassed when it is pointed out. Instead of celebrating our accomplishments, we minimize them to avoid feeling boastful or braggy. This shouldn’t be the case either! I have friends who sew their children’s Halloween costumes from scratch. I have friends to make their own snacks. I, myself try and bake when I can. But I also have friends who run out on October 30 to find a Halloween costume for their kids and those who stock up on snacks when there’s a sale at Walmart. Does one or the other make them bad mothers? Absolutely not! Each judge themselves for what they canning can’t do? Probably to some extent.

Truly, though, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put so many unrealistic expectations on ourselves, and then feel awful when we don’t live up to them? In theory, we should be happy with our lives and not worry about what others think. But everyone knows that is not actually true. It is so much easier said than done to brush things off and say that we don’t care. Now let me be clear, I do know that some people genuinely don’t care and more power to them. But these women are the unicorns of our society.

So why is the judgement of others so important to us? Why is our happiness affected by how others perceive our accomplishments, and how effectively we have our shit together? As the “judger”, it is a bit easier to explain. The psychology behind this is that we judge one another because we have inadequacies in ourselves. Those who judge others’ decisions are projecting their feelings onto others.

And I can see how this is true, but what does it say about how we judge ourselves? What does it say about how we worry that we will be judged by others? The thinking is a defence mechanism of sorts. We plan for what others might think so we can know how to react. Or we judge ourselves first before anyone else gets a chance to. But why can’t we just be confident and have THAT be projected onto others? Tell anyone who thinks otherwise where they can go….? There is a saying that we are our own worst critics, and this fits well here.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am not perfect. There are areas that I want to improve, for sure. But there is no way I can be everything to everyone. It is just mathematically impossible to give 100% in more than one place. My house will never be spotless (unless I’ve just finished a rage-cleaning binge). My kids will eat pre-packaged snacks. My life will not look like a Pinterest board.

Most days, I am okay with this. I focus on the positives and what I AM able to accomplish on that day. I shrug off my own insecurities and try not to be bothered by others. But other days are darker. I look at others’ social media through green eyes. I am jealous of those who can do more, do better, accomplish things I cannot. I judge myself before others can “get to me”. It creeps into my dreams and wakes me up at night. I have been told by others that I am rather outspoken, sometimes without a filter. That I can share my thoughts with others and I am not afraid of judgement. I can put on a tough shell, and pretend I am invincible. But in reality that is just not the case. What we see is rarely what we get. And I think THAT is the point. I would like to imagine that even “Pinterest moms” have those insecure days. Because it will never be enough and no one will ever truly have it all together, even if it looks that way through our lens. The sooner we realize this, the happier we probably will be.

Social Comparison Theory proposes that we determine our worth by comparing ourselves to others. In fact according to Psychology Today, as much as 10% of our thoughts are comparison in nature. Did that surprise you? There are days when I feel like it’s more… The point is that no one is immune to this struggle and we are all fighting it in our own way. So what is the answer? Just like the secret to becoming the perfect mom – there isn’t one. It is human nature to judge ourselves and compare ourselves to others. That can be a motivator or a deterrent – do we want to use it to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and try something new, or is it worth it to bother? I think that happiness lies not in trying to ignore these comparisons or brush them aside, but in harnessing them and using them to motivate us to be better. To try something new, cook a new dish, read a new book, or redecorate with a new rug – not perfect (because nothing should be), but better.

This is not to say that this is working for me, and I can tell you that it will definitely be easier to adopt this mindset on good days over the darker ones. But, I will give it a try.

This is life. Love, Mom.

November 22, 2021
Inhale The Future, Exhale The Past

About two months ago, I began a journey to become a certified yoga teacher. Yoga has been a part of my life for more than 10 years. When I was pregnant with J, yoga was one of the only forms of movement I could tolerate. When Covid hit, J and I would do yoga together in the evenings to wind down. Although it eventually lost its appeal for her, I ramped up my own practice. I enjoy the peace and calm it brings me amidst the chaos. So when my best friend told me that she was going to work towards her certification, it appealed to me. We decided to do it together, as best friends do. I knew I loved the poses and active movement involved, so why not learn more about the history and origins?

What I didn’t realize is just how much the breathwork and meditation components would mean to me. Mindfulness is such an important part of good mental health, as is an awareness of one’s self. I love that you don’t need tools for the breathwork – it is the most portable form of self-care. Many people are intimidated by the quiet and metered breathing. There is a misconception that it is time-consuming and you must sit in silence for an extended period of time.

So for my first yoga-inspired post, I wanted to share the ways that I incorporate breathing and mindfulness in my day, to show that it can be easier than you think. Breathing is something we need to do. Our bodies manage it without us thinking about it. But when we are stressed, anxious or tired our breathing innately becomes more shallow. Scientifically this is because our body stops relying on the diaphragm to breathe. In yoga, the prana (or life force) is brought into the body with our breath. Being aware of it and harnessing it is a huge source of power and strength. I am here to share with you some of the ways I am mindful and practice “pranayama” (Sanskrit for the regulation of breathing) in a real-life go-go-go setting.

ONE: Be present. This doesn’t mean you have to be present at every moment of the day. One of the biggest yoga gurus, Richard Rosen, talks about taking in the small moments of the day. We don’t do anything specific, but instead, do nothing and just observe. I find when I am taking the dog for a walk in the morning, or sitting in my car at a red light, I take 30-60 seconds and become very aware of the moment. I really take in all my senses – what do I hear? Smell? See? Just taking that time to come out of my head and into the moment can be very powerful. Think of it as a quick mental reset.

TWO: Take deep breaths. I find when I’m stressed (and let’s be honest, that is often!) practicing equal-part breath helps me to focus. Equal-part breath is one of the core breathing techniques in yoga and it is easy to access. If you find it helpful and safe, you can close your eyes. I typically do this while I’m driving and the kids are yelling at each other, so my eyes would NOT be closed. Empty your breath, and breathe in slowly for a count of 3-4, depending on what you can do. Then exhale for the same amount of time. If this is difficult you can try just inhaling slowly and exhaling your normal breath. But, ideally, you are focusing on breathing in and out equally (hence equal-part breathing). The focus becomes your breath and not whatever is stressing you out. Again, this doesn’t have to be something you do for 30 minutes. Even a few rounds of breathing can be calming.

THREE: Take five. When we think of meditation, we think of a quiet mind without any distractions. We think of a group of people sitting in a room, with eyes closed and all humming in unison. In reality, meditation is what you make of it. When you are feeling overwhelmed, try this. Just sit down (on the floor, at your desk, on your bed) and listen. Instead of trying to turn everything off around you, just sit and experience it. Listen to the sounds around you instead of trying to tune them out. Are people talking? Birds chirping? A car horn blaring? Feel your body instead of trying to ignore it. Is your skin hot or cool? Is your stomach grumbling? Then focus on your breath… not trying to control it, but just listening and feeling how it moves. Even five minutes of this can be transformative.

My hope after reading this is that you can see that mindful breathing is much more accessible than we fear it is. There is indeed an entire practice dedicated to learning to meditate and breathe more successfully – but that is just it – it’s a PRACTICE. In our crazy busy lives, even taking five minutes to be present in our bodies and minds can be helpful. And at the end of the day, five minutes is better than nothing!

This is life. Love, mom.

October 11, 2021
Where Did I Land My Helicopter?

As cliche as it sounds, there is nothing harder, yet more fulfilling than being a parent. There are so many times I pinch myself, wondering who gave me the responsibility of raising children. Not that I’m not capable, but to some extent we were children, and now we are responsible for our own children. So many parents lament “if only there were a handbook…..” or wonder if they can google “how to raise my kids”. It can be hard to find yourself in the ebb and flow of parenting. Not to mention, what is good for one child is rarely the same for the next. There needs to be a balance between being the “helicopter” parent and letting our children just figure things out on their own. Neither at its extreme is helpful or rational, but it isn’t easy to find that middle ground. There is nothing we want more than to keep our kids safe, and to have them become good humans…. but how we get there is a bit of a mystery. We know the final destination, but the roadmap is nowhere to be found.

No one would argue that being a helicopter parent is a good idea, for both the parent and the child. In case you are not familiar with this term, a helicopter parent does not let their child out of their sight. The constant micromanaging, worrying, hovering over your child, and keeping them close is not ideal. The fear is that they will be hurt, or put in a dangerous situation. So the antidote is to ensure that you are constantly there to protect them. However, in doing so it leaves little room to allow them to make mistakes.

It also makes transitions to school and programs quite difficult (usually more so for the parent than the child). As much as we want, we cannot go through life holding their hands, or encasing them in bubble wrap.

And to be clear, the opposite is no better. The idea that children should simply learn by experiencing life, and from their mistakes is fraught with issues, as well. Yes, children should learn life lessons, and get the bumps and scrapes that come with growing up. As a teacher, I can appreciate that learning certain skills on your own is much more valuable than having them explained to you. Coming to understand the world through natural consequences is indeed important. Working through experiences, building resilience, and figuring out right from wrong are all invaluable lessons. But, by being completely hands-off, children lose the attachment to parental figures that is so important. And the question is – are we putting them in unnecessary situations? Are they learning lessons they shouldn’t need to learn? The argument becomes if we CAN protect them, why shouldn’t we?

With all this back and forth swirling around in our heads, and the whispers of every parenting expert in our ear, what is the answer? What path will yield the best result? All we know is we want our children to be the best they can be; to grow up to be good, self-sufficient, kind human beings. As mothers, there is an inherent fear that we are constantly messing up our kids. I myself am guilty of this, as well. Decisions are met with self-doubt, questioning, and rationalization. Should I have let them do their own thing? Did I not step up enough? Was the best decision made for the situation? These questions are coupled with the nagging notion that each decision holds more weight than it truly does. As if we are one decision away from permanently messing up our children. Of course, in hindsight, this is rarely the case, but it doesn’t feel like that at the time.

Interestingly, before I had children I often thought I would be more relaxed (I mean, didn’t we all??). I didn’t think I would be so worried all the time – specifically about the kids hurting themselves or becoming ill. And yet, here I am. I want them to be good, do good, and feel good. I want them to stand up for themselves and be respectful. I want them to be safe and secure. But I struggle with how best to execute this. I have had my “helicopter” moments, and let me tell you there are more of them than I’d really care to admit. The idea of them falling (either proverbially or physically) and not being there to catch them is daunting. I know that this feeling was heightened when J became very ill and was hospitalized at 2 years of age. I won’t get into it now, but I will in future posts. There is a delicate balance between keeping them safe and allowing them the opportunity to learn on their own, and admittedly I don’t know the formula.

So can you imagine what happens when you throw Covid into the mix? The mystery that has plagued communities for the better part of two years has sent us all into hyperdrive trying to protect our children. Teaching them to wear masks, sanitize their hands, sneeze into their elbows, and inform adults when the sniffles are “just allergies” (when they truly are, of course!) has taken over our lives. We are left with the question, how can we protect our children if we haven’t yet figured out how to protect ourselves? Yes, we are making headway, but there is still a ways to go. Now let’s be clear – I am not using this platform to delve into the vaccine or mask debate. There is too much there to unpack, and I don’t think a one-off blog post is a place to do it. But, of course, these are other questions that are constantly top-of-mind. The whole situation would send any sane parent into overdrive, wondering how best to ensure their child’s safety.

These are thoughts that continue to plague me, especially since September is already here. Maybe that’s part of the balance I struggle to find as a parent. What I DO know is that Covid has hit those who question their parenting, who don’t want to hover but cannot bear to look away… This is not to say that we have all had our own struggles because of this pandemic. But as we enter another school year, I know that the parents I talk to are all worried about the same thing – how can we keep them safe when we can’t see them all day? How do we keep them healthy when we have no control over the environment they are in? There is an element of letting go that is involved in sending our children off to school that is difficult to grasp – even for parents who are more hands-off than the rest.

If I’m being candid and honest, I’m not entirely sure what I want to impart in this post. I began writing this because I wanted to grapple with my babies returning to school, and the extra layer that Covid has added. Having been home last year altogether, sending them out into the world again is frightening. I want them to have the most normal of experience in what is the most abnormal of circumstances. All the while, I want to keep them safe. So when I find my helicopter, we can all jump in together and hover over our children. At least for the near future until we can see the light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

But this is life. Love, Mom

September 27, 2021
Love Handles And Other Things We Hold On To

People like to talk about growth, and how life-changing new experiences can be. We preach the goodness of looking towards the future, and how the past is behind us. We all want to think that we value these learning experiences, and welcome them. Don’t get me wrong- these are all important ideas to value, and in many cases it is easier to look forward than back. But when it comes down to it, change is hard for most people, especially when that change is related to our most valuable possession – our bodies. We hold a picture in our minds of how we should look; based either on an idea or a past season of life. For many, this correlates to a size, weight, measurement, or another number. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we all want to be smaller, thinner or weigh less. It could mean we want to bulk up, gain muscle, or weigh more. But for whatever reason, how we look does not line up with how we feel about ourselves. There is often a nagging feeling that “if only” we could change something, or go back to the way we once were, we would be happier.

There is a special place in this hell of a landscape for mothers. Body image is a dangerous term. I would argue that for many, it may be one of the most emotionally charged terms in the English language. It is tied so tightly to so much more than just how we see ourselves. The mental ramifications of studying our bodies can be damning. The obsessing, seeing flaws, and urge to fix things is a slippery slope. As mothers in particular, society does us no favours. The same body that is praised for growing and bringing life into the world is quickly frowned upon for not “bouncing back” fast enough. We attach descriptives like glowing, radiant and healthy to pregnant bodies, and then turn around and call those same, postpartum bodies tired, flabby, and untoned.

The moment mothers give birth, the race is on to erase the stretch marks, tighten the love handles, and tone the core. Celebrities who leave the hospital looking runway-ready, or grace the cover of magazines in bikinis a mere months after giving birth, do us all a huge disservice. We look to how our bodies were before babies and yearn for those back, as if all it took was a time machine. We don’t relish the beauty and miracle that same body has given us.

In the spirit of transparency, I am equally guilty of this. I often think back to my pre-pregnancy body, and equate it with a number on the scale and a size of jeans. For a long time, I hid my stretch marks, even from myself. The body that grew two humans was not what I wanted it to be. Why is it I was able to carry two wonderful, healthy babies to term, and still judge the body that made it possible? Even to this day, I struggle with loving my outer shell. I have worn one-piece bathing suits since I was pregnant nine years ago, only bought a bikini last year… and I still don’t feel 100% confident in it. It is a journey and gets easier or harder depending on the season I am in. Anyone who says that social media, advertisements and popular culture have zero effect on them is in denial. Those people may have a stronger inner voice than others, but the messages (subliminal and overt) are constantly thrown at us. I have recently begun following several body-conscious influencers on Instagram to help inform my mindset. If you are looking for some, Sarah Nicole Landry (aka The Bird’s Papaya) is a great start. I feel fortunate that these women are making their voices heard, and have been embraced by others. There hasn’t always been a place for these stories, but they are slowly becoming louder and louder.

It is a unique form of torture we keep only for our deepest, darkest moments.

So why do we hold on to these ideals? These past images of ourselves? Keep clothes in our closet so we can wear them again eventually? Or perseverate on unrealistic goals that will somehow determine our self-worth? It is a unique form of torture we keep only for our deepest, darkest moments. Why is it so easy to preach self-love and self-care, but so difficult to exercise them? We tell each other to treat ourselves with grace and patience, yet it is so difficult to take our own advice. Society simultaneously tells women to be perfect versions of themselves, but also to take care of themselves and not worry about what others think. For my part, I have to commend Hubby for having my back. He often tells me to shake off the negative self-thoughts. There is a stark contrast between these polarizing ideas, and it is so difficult to meet somewhere in the middle. It would be so much easier to just say “screw it” and live for ourselves and not for others. It is just easier said than done.

Having a daughter has changed my outlook, though. With diet culture and social media barbies running rampant, I am acutely aware of the messages she is receiving. I know that as she grows, she will [continue to] be bombarded with print and television media ideas of what she should look like. I just don’t want those messages to come from me, too. I have always been conscious of not commenting on my weight in front of her. That is a private conversation I have inside my head. Those are the demons that I battle on my own time. J sees me exercising and hears me talking about eating healthy, but we always frame the conversation about how it is to keep our minds healthy and feel good about ourselves. We talk about makeup, and how I wear it for myself, and not to look beautiful for others. I stress the importance of doing things for ourselves to boost our positive vibrations, and not as a result of others’ judgements. The other day she commented on my stretch marks, and I told her we should come up with a magic word for them because they magically appeared when she was born. Did I believe it when I said it? Honestly not even for a hot second. But I wanted to try to be positive about it. I want her to love her body, and talk positively about herself, even if I am still learning how to do so. Of all the things I want to pass on to my daughter, negative body image is definitely not one of them.

This is life. Love, Mom.

July 19, 2021
Foolproof Banana Bread
I have always loved baking. Cookies, bread, muffins, and granolas – I honestly love them all. It is one of my major stress-relievers. I think it has to do with something with being able to control what I put into the recipe. Once J was old enough to start eating solids, I began experimenting with healthier ingredients. I love making healthier versions of favourites, and “tricking” my family into eating things that are better for them.

When I started dreaming up my blog, I knew that recipes had to be a part of it. My go-to recipe is this banana bread. I have made it so many times that I know the recipe by heart. I started with a recipe from Simply Recipes years ago and made adjustments as I went. Each time I changed a little bit until one day it was perfect! When I was thinking about my favourite recipes I knew that my banana bread was the place I needed to start. It is my most requested recipe for potlucks and brunches. One of the things I love is that the recipe is very forgiving. It’s no-fuss, one bowl, and so easy my kids can help with 75% of it! I love to change up the mix-ins. I have put some combo suggestions at the bottom of this post. My favourite way to bake it is in a glass pan that comes with a lid. Then it’s super easy to bake and store (if you even have any left afterwards haha) I’ve linked one similar here (https://amzn.to/3Ahh1wb)

SOME TIPS: (1) If you have too many bananas going bad, this is the perfect time to make banana bread. If you aren’t ready to make it right then and there, unpeel them and freeze them in a ziploc bag. Then take them out and let them thaw for about 30 minutes before you are ready to bake. (2)I have played around with the all purpose/whole wheat flour rations. I find 2:1 is a good combination. Any more whole wheat flour and it becomes more grainy. If you wanted to forgo the whole wheat flour and only use all-purpose, you can definitely do that! (3) Lastly, if you are adding something sweet, you can safely cut back on the sugar a bit more to 2/3 of a cup. The original recipe had a full cup of sugar but that was more sugar for me.

Ingredients

3 large (or 4 small) smashed, ripe bananas

1/3 cup melted butter or melted coconut oil

3/4 cup white or coconut sugar

1 egg, beaten

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup all purpose flour

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 cup mix-ins of your choice

(see note at the bottom)
Method
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees farenheit
2. Mix bananas and melted butter or coconut oil in a bowl
3. In the same bowl add the sugar, egg and vanilla
4. Mix in the baking soda, and salt
5. Mix the flour and your mix-ins in last. Make sure not to over mix
6. Pour into a greased loaf pan and bake for 40-60 mins. This will depend on your oven so make sure to check! When I bake on a convection setting it only takes about 40 minutes. It will be ready when a tester comes out clean. TIP: If you find the bread is getting too brown on top, you can cover it with a piece of tinfoil for part of the baking process.
Looking for some great mix-in combos?

Here are some of my favourites:
- White chocolate chip and pecans
- Dark chocolate chips and peanut butter chips
- Milk chocolate chips and walnuts
- Chocolate chunks
- Butterscotch chips
- Swirling in 2 tbsp of melted nutella or nut butter before you bake it (I have even mixed in a little bit of Wow Butter for a school-friendly option!)
I baked a dark chocolate and pecan version for this post. I LOVE hearing about and trying new flavour combos. Comment and tell me what you would mix into your banana bread. Or better yet, make it and tag me on Instagram! You can find the link at the top of this page.

This is life. Love, Mom.
July 1, 2021
When Two Worlds Collide

Prior to teaching, I worked for a non-profit foundation that ran programs for individuals with developmental disabilities. When I started, I knew very little about the community. Children with autism, developmental delays, and cognitive deficits were only something I read about when completing my psychology degree. I embraced the opportunity, as new as it was. I quickly went from a volunteer to a support staff, to the program coordinator for an entire department. As the coordinator, I ran recreational programs for children and teens. I hired and staffed teams, and then trained those teams. I immediately grew passionate about this vulnerable population. It became the topic of my undergrad psychology thesis. I even put off teaching for a year to continue to pursue the role.

The part I loved the most, was the problem-solving. Individuals with developmental disabilities can be prone to aggressive and socially-inappropriate behaviours. When staff couldn’t manage the behaviours, I was called in as backup. Most often, I was able to de-escalate situations. I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that I was nervous walking into those situations. I would ask myself how I could help with the behaviour, what if I wasn’t sure what to do? What if someone was going to be injured? What if I was going to be injured? But wouldn’t you know it – the worst way to walk into a situation like that is unconfident. So ultimately, I had to fake it to make it. Staff called me because they needed support. So I HAD to be that physical and emotional support – for better or for worse.

When I started teaching, it was a direct bridge from the social work field. I was hired to work with a very high-needs student, who exhibited a great deal of aggression. My past training and background helped me to manage this environment. The same “fake it till you make it” thinking helped to support me. Together with an incredible support staff team, we tried our best to manage this student and help him succeed. It was definitely a trying and nerve-wracking position, but I powered through.

So why was it, when I began teaching a gifted classroom on the other end of the special education spectrum, my nerves returned? When I was a new teacher, I felt relatively confident working parents. All except for one group – parents who were also teachers. When I was still early in my career, I did not have the confidence to always support my professional decisions. When I was speaking with parents who were teachers, I was always nervous that they would question my teaching. This is especially true since I was still learning my profession. I was learning the curriculum, and how to deliver, extend and assess it all at the same time. A tall order for a seasoned teacher, and even more so for a brand new one. It was only once I had a few years under my belt that I began to feel confident supporting my decisions to other teachers.

And then….. I got pregnant. I told Hubby that I would be the parent that I dreaded as a new teacher. I would be the one that called the teacher and asked a plethora of questions. The thorn in the teacher’s side. I didn’t want to be, but I was certain that that’s how I was going to be wired as a mom. And he laughed, agreed, and told me that he would be the one to deal with the teachers (plot twist, at times I am actually the calmer one, haha).

The truth is, when speaking to my children’s teachers, I try very hard to reign in the “crazy teacher-mom” part of me. I don’t email from my professional account, and I give them space to do their own thing. I try to separate church and state as best I can. This is how I would want to be treated as a teacher. It isn’t perfect, I mean, they DO know within 5 minutes of speaking to me that I am a teacher. It’s probably because I use words only teachers would use. Who else inserts words like assessment, curriculum and differentiation into a conversation??

Wearing both hats is a challenge, and it’s one I don’t take lightly. I try very, very hard not to wear my teacher hat at home. Although I can tell you that doesn’t always happen. Especially when both kiddos were learning to read and write. And if I’m being honest, I don’t think being a teacher makes me a better mom, but I DO think that being a mom has made me a better teacher. I am able to speak to parents with shared experiences and relate to them on a different level. It helps me better communicate with them because I think about how I would want to receive the information.

With all that being said, J is going into grade 4 in September. This will be the first time I have first-hand knowledge and understanding of the curriculum my child is learning. It will be the first time that one of my children will be in the same grade I teach. So it is yet to be seen how much I will actually take my own advice and mellow out when talking to her teachers…..

This is life. Love, Mom.

June 28, 2021
Well Hello There….

Well, hello there! Grab a cup of coffee and let me introduce myself. My name is Leora. Being introspective and describing oneself is not always the easiest to do. The top three roles that describe me are wife, mom and teacher. So, that’s a great place to start. A little more about each of those:

~Hubby and I have been married for 10 years, together for 14. We had big plans for a 10-year getaway, but alas, COVID…. More on that in later posts.

~ I am a mom to two firecrackers and one furbaby. J is 8 and N is 5. Bella is a 12 year old Boxer-Australian Shepherd mix. They are a big source for my content, so you’ll be hearing a lot about them.

~I have been a teacher for over a decade. I teach grade 4 gifted students. I love the quirky, inquisitive challenge of gifted children. I wouldn’t want to work with any other age group. I have gained a lot of wisdom over the years that I can’t wait to share with you. If you want a sneak peak, check out my YouTube channel which is a Q&A all about gifted education.

In addition, I have some loves that I am eager to talk about. Self care practices have been HUGE for me these last few years. My side hustle for years has been selling nail art for a beauty company. I love sharing ways to help women feel beautiful. I have always baked as a way to combat stress (subtext, get ready for some recipe posts!) but I have adopted other ways to manage as well. Yoga, exercise, breathing, and becoming a crazy plant lady are just a few!

Now if you’ve gotten this far in the post, you are most likely wondering “Why a blog? Why now?” and contemplating whether I have simply jumped on a bandwagon. That, friends, is not the case. For as long as I can remember, I have felt the most comfortable writing down my thoughts. I communicate best in writing, where I can articulate my thinking. Having a blog has always been something I wanted to do, but never had the time to pursue it. Thanks to pushes from Hubby, I am officially making the time. I have so many things I want to share with you all.

I would love for you to come on this wild ride with me. Being a woman, mom, wife, professional, and sane human all at the same time is a tall order. Join me as a navigate through them all, one musing as a time.

This is life. Love, Mom.

June 22, 2021