Life Love Mom

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  • I Am Slowly Going Crazy….

    I Am Slowly Going Crazy….

    I remember as a kid singing this Sharon, Lois, and Bram song over and over. At the time, this song about slowly going crazy and losing your mind was on repeat in my house. Not because I felt crazy but because it was fun to laugh about losing your mind. Oh, to be a child of the 80s again…

    Somewhere along the line, something switched. It wasn’t that I moved from counting forwards to backwards as the song goes, but more so that my mindset changed. As an adult in an environment where talking about mental health is more common, the idea of slowly going crazy has taken on a brand new meaning. I know there are times when we all feel like we’re a little crazy. The word itself is fraught with negative connotations. Being called crazy implies a lack of control, and an inability to regulate. And yet, there is this incredible juxtaposition happening. It has become more socially acceptable to talk about your feelings and inability to cope 100% of the time. More and more, we see campaigns, social media posts, and books all about self-care and the importance of mental health. I am grateful for the increasing openness around this topic. When we think of mental health struggles, we think less about a person chained in a psych ward and more about a regular human.

    I am here to continue the discussion and be as open and honest about my own struggles, in hopes that it opens the door for someone else. I have always been somewhat of an anxious person, striving for perfection academically. I don’t know whether I was able to manage it better when I was younger or the stressors were simply smaller, but it was never really an issue. It was just a way of life. As an adult, and more so as a mother, I felt my anxiety spin further out of control. Again, I felt that I was able to manage it. Maybe I was, or maybe I wasn’t. I will never know if it wasn’t as difficult for me or it was less socially acceptable to discuss. What I do know, is I was definitely not as aware of the importance of my mental health as I am now.

    The irony of all this, of course, is that my own undergraduate degree is in psychology. I loved learning about how the brain works in the university and in particular adored my abnormal psychology classes. At one time thinking I might pursue a career in school psychology, how the brain works fascinated me. How we deal with trauma, conflict, and aversion was my main focus in school. But there is there a reason they say doctors make the worst patients. Not to say that I am a doctor, but the analogy still rings true.

    I have a distinct memory of a few years back when I knew I was out of control. I can feel it like it was yesterday, although I couldn’t tell you the specific dates. I can close my eyes and I am back in that place. I had been experiencing panic attacks, and for the most part, I was able to keep it to myself. I knew that something wasn’t right but I tried to power through it. One day, I was driving and had a panic attack so severe I had to pull over. It scared me because it was the first time I felt truly out of control. I was by myself in the car but could only think about what might happen if I wasn’t. I sat in the parking lot as my hands and feet tingled from my shallow breathing and knew I needed help. I went to see my doctor the next day and a combination of medications and therapy ensued. Neither could work independently, they needed to work in tandem with one another.

    Today things are better but I am most certainly a work in progress. If I can take anything from this journey, it is that it is a marathon not a sprint… but all without a finish line. I have days where I feel incredibly in control. I feel like a superhero who can handle anything thrown at me. Other days, I feel triggered by the smallest thing. I can feel the tightness in my chest and the clenching of my fists.

    Having a support system, as cliche as it sounds, is integral. There is something very normalizing and reassuring about being open about your struggles. Our failsafe is to reject what we don’t understand or make us uncomfortable, or to humourize it. Even now I often refer to my medication as my “anti-crazy pills”. I know that isn’t what they are, but for some reason making light of the situation makes it feel more manageable.

    And this is what I have come to terms with – the new normal. It the normal that things don’t have to be perfect. The normal that mental health needs to take priority. The normal that needing help and asking for it doesn’t make you weak – it actually makes you stronger. And the normal that keeping things inside is as unhealthy as any other physical ailment.

    This is life. Love, mom.

  • Resolutions: The Promises We Love To Hate, And Hate To Keep

    Resolutions: The Promises We Love To Hate, And Hate To Keep

    Happy New Year! I cannot believe that another year has flown by. I know it is cliche to say, but it truly feels like we blinked and the year came to a close. I think it’s because we spent so much time inside, and crossing our fingers that things will improve. Cheers to making it through the past year, and getting ready for the one ahead. I have a lot coming down the pipes. A lot of change is happening this year, and I am looking forward to some amazing opportunities. I can’t wait to share as things unfold.

    A new year is synonymous with our resolve to do be and be better. We often talk about our resolutions to make this year the best one yet. Resolutions are a funny kind of magic. Every year, on January 1, we make a promise to ourselves to change something. Whatever it is, it is usually something we have been thinking about for quite some time. Resolutions aren’t decisions we make on a whim. They are the “thing” that we most want to change about our lives: get healthier, work less, find more balance, do yoga, travel… the bucket list goes on and on. These are the things we want to do but are being stopped from doing in some way, shape or form. Maybe the timing is wrong, maybe the motivation just isn’t there, or there are too many work commitments. There is always a reason why it can’t happen in July, October, or December.

    And then comes magical January 1st. The shiny date of eternal optimism. The promise of a new year and all the potential that it holds. We can do anything on January 1st! We can accomplish all our goals! Anything we set our minds to! We are SUPER PEOPLE! January 1st makes things easy – we can eat all the kale, do all the push-ups, and dream-board all the vacations.

    January 2nd, however… that is a whole other story. This is when our reality sets in, and we realize we are in it for the long haul. Those bright shiny goals and dreams begin to turn into work. We have to hold ourselves accountable to the goals we set just a day before. We cannot give up so soon.

    Now before you stop reading and think that this is the most pessimistic blog post ever, hear me out. Where you think this is going is not necessarily where we will end up. Which, ironically, is exactly what happens with resolutions. By designating a specific day for change, and hoping that we will maintain a new mindset for 365 days, we are setting ourselves up to fail. I’m not saying change isn’t possible, or that goal-setting isn’t important, because neither of those things is true. But don’t forget – the definition of insanity Is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If, historically, we have trouble keeping our resolutions why do we set them every year? Why do we think that somehow THIS January 1st will be different?

    Instead, I propose a different mindset. Do you. Be you. Do what makes you happy. Endeavour to better yourself physically, mentally, socially, or academically. But don’t tie it to a magical date and expect to follow it for 12 months. Instead set short-term goals with attainable timelines. But don’t wait for the beginning of the year. Start any day! Strive to vision-board your long-term goals and do all the things. But don’t set a year-long timeline. Make them any length! Goals are meant to be ever-changing, evolving, and growing with us. We don’t need to put ourselves in the “new years resolution” box. By doing so, we set ourselves up to be disappointed. There is too much pressure tied into these resolutions, and we simply end up waiting until the following year to start again.

    So for the next 12 months, in a year that is already setting up to be a doozy, let’s take it day-by-day. Let’s set goals that are meaningful and attainable, and work towards them one day at a time. Let’s be kind to ourselves and give ourselves grace. Will I be doing this all the time? Absolutely not. Is this easier to type than follow through on? You’d better believe it. But I’m trying, just like everyone else.

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • The Best Last-Minute Holiday Gift Ideas

    The Best Last-Minute Holiday Gift Ideas

    We’ve all been there. The last-minute gift struggle. No judgment – trust me. Sometimes the days just get away from us, and before we know it we are days away from the family holiday party, or something of the like. So I’m here to save you from a gift-less entry.

    The rise of the subscription box over the last few years works perfectly for those hard-to-shop-for people in your life, or a last-minute gift save! I love subscription boxes because they are curated, and just personal enough to fit everyone in your life. They are the gift that keeps on giving, depending on the subscription amount. You also don’t need to arrive with a gift in hand – simply print out a picture of the box, insert it into a card, and tell the recipient to watch the mail! And let’s be honest, in this digital age, who doesn’t love some good, old-fashioned mail?? I know that finding ones that ship to Canada can sometimes be a tall order, so here are my faves. I have included affiliate links here, many of which give you a discount on the boxes. I have to say, though, that I wrote this post first and found the affiliate links after. I would recommend these items all day, every day,

    1. For the kiddos:

    I am obsessed with Kiwi Crates. Our kids received this as a gift years ago from their aunt and have quickly become my go-to gift. Kids receive a box monthly, which includes hands-on activities and reading based on a theme. There are different boxes depending on the age of the recipient. N has received Koala crates, which are great because he can complete tasks on his own. Pictured below are two activities he completed while learning about butterflies and dinosaurs. J recently began receiving Atlas crates, which include a different country every month. Prices range from $25-$30 per box depending on the frequency. They can be found at https://www.kiwico.com/Refer?i=LeoraK

    2. For the foodies:

    Carnivore Club is one of our amazing finds. Each month, you receive a box of curated meats. There are two sizes, and we have been loving the snack-box size. The full-size box includes party-worthy items, great for sharing. The snack box includes single-serving items, which are great for when you are on the go. I love that it highlights local vendors, and there has been more than one occasion where we have gone back and re-purchased from newly-discovered vendors. As a foodie, Hubby loves discovering new foods and trying different products. Prices range from $40-$60 per box depending on the frequency. They can be found at https://carnivoreclub.co/

    3. For the furry friends:

    Not to be forgotten in the season are our four-legged friends. Both my sisters have dogs (as do I) so it is important for us to pamper each other’s pups, too. Woof Pack is a Canadian company that ships a variety of toys and treats each month. I love that they have a box category specially designed for “chewers”. Our dog, Bella, is notorious for obliterating toys. As a Boxer mix, she loves toys so much she destroys them in mere minutes. Prices range from $37-$47 per box depending on the frequency. They can be found at http://woofpack.refr.cc/leorakim

    4. For yourself:

    Let’s be honest – sometimes the best gifts are those that we give ourselves. The Fab Fit Fun box is one you have probably seen all over social media. It is one I coveted for a few years before asking Hubby for it as a birthday gift. I have to say, it does NOT disappoint. I love the mix of full-size items and those that I would never buy for myself. I am not one for a lot of make-up or beauty products, but I like being able to choose things I can indulge on. In this past box, I received a Michael Kors hat and Herschel bag. In the past, I have received lotions, makeup and hair care products. I even got my new favourite floss!! Pictured below is a summer box which included a ring light, beach blanket and guac/salsa bowls. This box is a bit of a splurge but in my opinion, it’s well worth it. Prices range from $45-$50 USD + shipping per box depending on the frequency. I do have free boxes on occasion, so be sure to comment if you are interested in one. They can be found at https://fabfitfun.com/get-the-box/ 

    Getting boxes shipped to Canada isn’t always ideal. Some companies don’t come to Canada, and if they do, the shipping costs are exorbitant. I hope you enjoyed my four favourites. Anything YOU would add to this list? Sharing is caring!!

    On that note, wishing everyone a very happy, heathy holidays. I am going to sign off for 2021 and return in January with some brand new content!

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • DIY Poke Bowls

    DIY Poke Bowls

    Recently, J announced she wanted to follow a pescatarian diet. This meant no meat or chicken, only fish and plant-based protein. This wasn’t a huge change for us, as I rarely cook red meat at home to begin with. But that said, I wanted to find different ways to incorporate fish into her diet. You may notice a theme in all the recipes I share – mix and match. I find these recipes do the best in our house since everyone’s tastes are different. Instead of trying (and failing) to make one dish that satisfies everyone, allowing people to choose their own toppings and mix-ins has been huge. This way I don’t feel like I am running a kitchen, and there is less complaining about the meal. Win-win in my humble opinion.

    If you are not familiar with poke bowls, you are missing out. Truly. These bowls, which originated from Hawaii, are typically prepared with a rice bottom, raw fish, vegetables, and an amazing sauce. I use cooked fish only, as J isn’t a fan of raw. But if I was to make this for Hubby and me, I would definitely add some sushi-grade tuna. I will share below what I put out, and some other suggestions for you to include. Feel free to omit or add anything that appeals to you or you have laying around your fridge.

    A note about the rice. I use Korean short-grain rice because that is what I have in my house. Years ago, my Korean mother-in-law taught me how to make rice with a rice cooker. It involves rinsing the grains to remove some of the starch, and using enough water to come up to your knuckle. Truly though, any type of rice would do. If you don’t have a fantastic mother-in-law proficient in rice making as I do, I would suggest following the instructions on the package you buy.

    An ingredient preview

    Recipe rundown:

    • Cooked rice (approx 1/4 cup per person)
    • Sauce
      • 2 tbsp low sodium soy sauce
      • 1.5 tbsp rice vinegar
      • 1 tbsp sesame oil
      • 1 tbsp lime juice
      • 1 tbsp honey
      • dash of sesame seeds
    • Protein
      • I love using PC salmon burgers in this recipe. I oven bake them or fry in my cast iron skillet and then cut them up
      • Cooked shrimp
      • Immitation Crab
    • Toppings
      • Avocado
      • Edamame (I use the pre-shelled frozen ones!)
      • Shredded carrots
      • Cucumbers (I marinate mine in a bit of rice vinegar and salt)
      • Seaweed Salad
      • Dried seaweed
    • Spicy mayonaise (we use a store bought mayo but you can always mix some regular mayonaise with siracchia to taste)

    In case you are reading this and thinking “there is no way my kids would eat that”… let me tell you – J eats all of it with the exception of the spicy mayonnaise. N, on the other hand, only eats rice, dried seaweed and his weight in edamame. So please don’t feel bad if your bowls don’t look like these. Do what works for YOU! Have any other topping suggestions?? I’d love to hear them!

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • The {Dreaded} Elf On The Shelf

    The {Dreaded} Elf On The Shelf

    There are very few holiday traditions that are as polarizing as the “Elf on the Shelf”. Whether or not you participate in having an elf in your home may actually be more controversial than apple pie vs. pecan pie. If you are not familiar with the elf, here is a bit of a backstory. It began as a storybook in the early 2000s. About ten years later, the book was turned into a short animated film, and the elf dolls were born. The premise behind the book and subsequent film is that an elf arrives before Christmas and watches to ensure children are behaving. Then, at night, the elf flies back to the North Pole to report to Santa. When it returns home, it lands in a different place and in the morning children have to find it. Many households love the elf tradition. I originally learned about it from my sister-in-law when she began having the elf “visit” annually. In fact, even as my niece and nephew grew older and knew the elf was merely a toy, she still had it move around and do silly things, and they enjoyed finding it just as much. There are some families, however, who either participate begrudgingly or refuse to at all.

    According to a 2012 article written when the elf was just released “It’s a marketing juggernaut dressed up as a “tradition.” Yes, all traditions are ultimately man-made and therefore artificial, but there’s something uniquely fake about the Elf.” (https://www.theatlantic.com/) The article goes on to ask “Why inject a note of fear and suspicion into a season and a holiday that are meant to be about love, togetherness, and forgiveness? Perhaps, Christmas aside, raising morally aware children requires we go several steps beyond the concept of a naughty/nice dichotomy.”

    I agree with some of the sentiments of what is written here. But I think that this is a very myopic view. The concept of naughty/nice did not originate from the elf, it rather capitalizes on it. There are scores of songs and stories about being nice so Santa comes and gives you a gift, instead of a lump of coal. While there may be truth to what is written in the article, I think that you should try and participate in whatever brings you joy. There are ways to play into the Elf on the Shelf that aren’t all-or-nothing. For example, if children are being naughty, or have made poor choices, it doesn’t mean that Santa isn’t coming at all. It’s a reminder to be mindful and a chance to ask for forgiveness for negative behaviour. How many of us have threatened to call Santa at one point or another? This is no different. If there is anything this pandemic has taught us, it is that life is short – live it with love. Ironically, some parents have taken the pandemic and used it to their advantage – putting the elf into quarantine for the first 14 days so they don’t have to move it as often. I’ll admit, that is a fun idea, but I also enjoy how much J and N laugh when they wake up in the morning.

    Our elf, Chingu, (which is the Korean word for “friend”), came to us about 5 years ago. Since then it has been no small task coming up with ideas for how she can get into mischief. Like many, our elf is very silly and gets into a lot of things. Yes, sometimes she is in a different spot every day (my fall-back when I forget to move her around), but she also does funny things. Our elf comes on December 1, and always brings an advent calendar for each of the kids. I have to say, I enjoy trying to be creative and come up with new ideas. I am at the point where I will surely need to recycle past ideas, but that’s okay! As I mentioned before, it is all in good fun.

    Arriving with calendars

    Like anything else, I think that it has to work with your family. There is a general, almost audible sigh that comes from parents who don’t enjoy the task, and feel that they have to one-up their children’s friends. There are scores of Facebook mom-group posts lamenting about the dreaded elf, and ideas for how to place it. There are Pinterest boards and Instagram accounts dedicated to this tiny doll. There are also Etsy kits where people have planned out the entire month of “placements” for the elf. I also know of people who have had the elf “break a leg” so they cannot move for extended periods.

    If you are an “elf home” – the countdown begins! If not, that’s okay, too. And, if you are in need of some ideas, here are some past favourites of mine:

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • How To Become A Pinterest Mom

    How To Become A Pinterest Mom

    The idea of a Pinterest mom is simple, really. You spend your free time making Halloween costumes, organizing your home with countless woven baskets, baking healthy meals from scratch and making school lunches filled with cucumbers shaped like flowers and sandwiches shaped like zoo animals. No outing is too small for full makeup and polished hair. You have everything together, and show off your impeccable fashion sense in perfectly curated social media posts. You make weekly trips to your local craft store to stock up on DIY projects you will do with your kids. This is the 21st-century reincarnation of an idea that has been around since the beginning of time.

    There are so many women who wish their lives looked more like a page out of a magazine (or social media square). They want their home to be impeccable, all facets of life to be perfect, and be able to do it all (and do it all perfectly). I’m here today to spill the secret of how to evolve into this ethereal being. So want to know how? Step 1: It will not happen 100% of the time. Step 2: Find a new dream.

    If this all sounds ridiculous, we can now be friends. The truth is, we may (or may not) have elements of this in all of us. We might be good at one aspect of our lives and struggling in others. To some extent, this insanity goes both ways. I know women who are amazing at certain things but get embarrassed when it is pointed out. Instead of celebrating our accomplishments, we minimize them to avoid feeling boastful or braggy. This shouldn’t be the case either! I have friends who sew their children’s Halloween costumes from scratch. I have friends to make their own snacks. I, myself try and bake when I can. But I also have friends who run out on October 30 to find a Halloween costume for their kids and those who stock up on snacks when there’s a sale at Walmart. Does one or the other make them bad mothers? Absolutely not! Each judge themselves for what they canning can’t do? Probably to some extent.

    Truly, though, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put so many unrealistic expectations on ourselves, and then feel awful when we don’t live up to them? In theory, we should be happy with our lives and not worry about what others think. But everyone knows that is not actually true. It is so much easier said than done to brush things off and say that we don’t care. Now let me be clear, I do know that some people genuinely don’t care and more power to them. But these women are the unicorns of our society.

    So why is the judgement of others so important to us? Why is our happiness affected by how others perceive our accomplishments, and how effectively we have our shit together? As the “judger”, it is a bit easier to explain. The psychology behind this is that we judge one another because we have inadequacies in ourselves. Those who judge others’ decisions are projecting their feelings onto others.

    And I can see how this is true, but what does it say about how we judge ourselves? What does it say about how we worry that we will be judged by others? The thinking is a defence mechanism of sorts. We plan for what others might think so we can know how to react. Or we judge ourselves first before anyone else gets a chance to. But why can’t we just be confident and have THAT be projected onto others? Tell anyone who thinks otherwise where they can go….? There is a saying that we are our own worst critics, and this fits well here.

    I have come to terms with the fact that I am not perfect. There are areas that I want to improve, for sure. But there is no way I can be everything to everyone. It is just mathematically impossible to give 100% in more than one place. My house will never be spotless (unless I’ve just finished a rage-cleaning binge). My kids will eat pre-packaged snacks. My life will not look like a Pinterest board.

    Most days, I am okay with this. I focus on the positives and what I AM able to accomplish on that day. I shrug off my own insecurities and try not to be bothered by others. But other days are darker. I look at others’ social media through green eyes. I am jealous of those who can do more, do better, accomplish things I cannot. I judge myself before others can “get to me”. It creeps into my dreams and wakes me up at night. I have been told by others that I am rather outspoken, sometimes without a filter. That I can share my thoughts with others and I am not afraid of judgement. I can put on a tough shell, and pretend I am invincible. But in reality that is just not the case. What we see is rarely what we get. And I think THAT is the point. I would like to imagine that even “Pinterest moms” have those insecure days. Because it will never be enough and no one will ever truly have it all together, even if it looks that way through our lens. The sooner we realize this, the happier we probably will be.

    Social Comparison Theory proposes that we determine our worth by comparing ourselves to others. In fact according to Psychology Today, as much as 10% of our thoughts are comparison in nature. Did that surprise you? There are days when I feel like it’s more… The point is that no one is immune to this struggle and we are all fighting it in our own way. So what is the answer? Just like the secret to becoming the perfect mom – there isn’t one. It is human nature to judge ourselves and compare ourselves to others. That can be a motivator or a deterrent – do we want to use it to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and try something new, or is it worth it to bother? I think that happiness lies not in trying to ignore these comparisons or brush them aside, but in harnessing them and using them to motivate us to be better. To try something new, cook a new dish, read a new book, or redecorate with a new rug – not perfect (because nothing should be), but better.

    This is not to say that this is working for me, and I can tell you that it will definitely be easier to adopt this mindset on good days over the darker ones. But, I will give it a try.

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • Lest We Forget

    Lest We Forget

    This past week was Remembrance Day. The day we set aside to thank those who have fought for our freedom… those who have survived, and those who have sacrificed. As Canadians, we are living in a free, democratic society, as a result of what others before us gave up. When I think about Remembrance Day, my mind automatically goes to World War II. As the granddaughter of a holocaust survivor, the atrocities of the past weigh heavily on me. The holocaust was something that robbed us of our heritage. It took away family members I would never meet. It put scars on our hearts as we heard stories as if they were movies. I am part of the last generation who will hear, first hand, what occurred. They say that the most powerful way to learn of experiences is to hear from the mouth of the person who experienced them. My children will never have that. Generations after them will never have that.

    I understand how those who have family members who went through earlier wars must feel. First-hand accounts of those experiences are few and far between. We must rely on books, movies, and second-hand stories. It is important, but never the same. This is even more prevalent for me as I raise my own children. I want them to understand their history – the events that shaped their ancestors. “Lest we forget” means we must remember what has happened. It cannot be forgotten in hopes that history will never be repeated. It isn’t about holding a grudge, but about honouring what our ancestors gave up (willing or not) in order to give us a better life.

    Part of honouring that is allowing their voices to be heard. Years ago, before his death, my sister interviewed my grandfather for a school project about the holocaust. I am forever grateful to her for doing this. At the time, I don’t think we understood the true gift she was giving us. So today I wanted to honour his memory by using this space to share his story, unedited and in his own words.

    How was your family affected and where were they sent?

    I don’t know where they went. The last time I saw them was in 1942 right after Yom Kippur night. My father got up in the middle of the night and he saw guys in black uniforms standing. In the morning everybody had to go out. We went out and I remember this was my cousin Morris’s sister, my brother my sister and myself. My mother divided us and she gave a few bucks to everyone to put away because we were thinking that we were going to a camp. There were standing there Germans from the German S.S. and they were directing one to the left and one to the right. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t know where my father and sister were going or where my brothers were going. We went and they sent us to a factory and this was the last time that I saw my parents. This was the day after Yom Kippur. Later on, we went to an ammunition factory. When I was there it was 1942. They took us in some cars or wagons. They put us in and they disinfected us. Later on, they sent us to a garage on top where everyone was sleeping together- all the men. I hardly ever saw a woman at this time. What happened next was I had been there for about a month and a half and I didn’t know anything and I met another guy. We decided we were going to run away. We ran out and it was at night and the doors were open. This was a big factory and we came in. Trains were going out slowly. Later we jumped off one of the trains. We jumped next to a small ghetto. As I went in there were barbed wire fences and Polish police.

    So, later on, I started going to a place where they were making iron. I got a job there and I was working, coming and going every morning. I started to get restless and I was trying to run out of this ghetto. On the way back there were forty people in an ammunition factory called Hemro. When I was coming, the guy started checking and he saw forty-one people. They started asking everybody but nobody wanted to say anything. He said that if the person who shouldn’t be there didn’t come out because there were forty-one, he was going to shoot ten! So, I went out. There was a butcher shop over there. So the guy kicked me and he threw me into the butcher shop, didn’t ask any questions, this German policeman. He kicked me and he let me go.

    On the sixteenth of January 1945 they took us all out and they sent us to Germany. To Buchenvald. And I wound up there and on the way in I was looking and I saw my cousin Leon on the other side. He was going out already and we were going in. I said, “What’s doing over there?” He said it was nothing, they just put powder on your arms and they shaved your head and they let you go out. But without clothes. At this time I lost all my pictures and everything from my father and mother and my sister and brother. So they let me out and I had to throw away everything. They gave me new clothes, clothes that are like pyjamas. They are with stripes. My number was I think 150 505.

    From Buchenvald they sent us to a place called Ranenbook. This was a gas chamber. They didn’t gas anyone over there while I was there. They led us all into a place like a shower. They crammed about 500 people in. We were there for only a couple of days and every morning they would grab a lot of people and they would just take them. There weren’t only Jews. There were Germans, and Polish, I think. It was a place where they were making rackets. Every two feet there was a German soldier, an S.S., with a machine gun. 

    Next, they sent us to Dorey. From there they sent us to Rockleh Barodeh. There were camps wired around, and bunks. In this camp, we stayed for six to eight weeks. We were working in a mountain. We were digging, making factories in the mountains. We were breaking up the stones. It was terrible. We were there in couples. When you were pushing out the stones, there were pieces of wood sticking up. The stones and wood were hitting you! If they didn’t hit your head, they would break your legs. Or your arms. We were there for quite a while.

    One morning they took everybody for a march. The march was going right down the road. I think I had my father’s cousin there and he got sick. They took away all the sick and I think they killed him. We were about 30 000 people, but most people died on the way because there was no food and they were pushing us and taking us to side roads. Those people from the S.S. with machine guns and dogs. German Shepherds. They took us and we were walking for a month and a half, I think. I remember one time we were going to the water that was running on the side road. We went to drink it and they shot half the people. We were less every day. I was losing weight constantly.

    Then there were fighter planes coming down and we got shot. I got shot in the leg. After this, I dropped down to about 80 pounds. I had no food. So, the Red Cross came around with wagons and they were going to give out parcels. I grabbed a parcel because I hadn’t eaten for weeks! I started eating and I got sick. I almost died, because if it had been only bread, it would have been okay but there was meat and all kinds of things inside. I hadn’t eaten for three weeks! They only had given me a little piece of bread. So when the Americans started hitting the Germans, we were sleeping and we heard them. Leon and another guy were carrying me. They ran out and got a couple of Americans. They took me in their jeep, they took me to the hospital and they took out the bullet.

    After one or two days I woke up and I was in a white bed! I went from the mud to a white bed.  We had nurses over there in the hospital. This was, I think, May the first or the second. I was in Shvarim, and I got better and I left the hospital.

    My hope in sharing this is that his words will forever be remembered – engraved in this social space. We will always remember. Lest we forget.

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

    On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

    Once upon a time, there was a movie about a girl who was homeschooled, trying to fit into the jungle that is high school. If you are familiar with the title of this blog, it’s surely because you have watched (and probably rewatched) the movie “Mean Girls”. There is a reason the movie resonated with so many. Even though it was released in 2004, it feels like it could have been yesterday. The story is not a new one, it is about the trials and tribulations of high school and how to get along when you feel lost socially. It’s about how to stand up for yourself, and if your social status is determined by the “in” crowd. It isn’t the first of its kind, and it is definitely not the last. We all have our social horror stories from our time in school. No one left those years unscathed in some way, shape, or form. The truth is, the movie truly struck a chord with so many girls because we could see ourselves in one of the characters.

    In speaking with friends, it is apparent that these social situations are happening at an earlier and earlier age. This is especially true of those who have girls. It used to be that “mean girls” and the like were reserved for high school. Finding your place in the world, in society, and social circles comes to a head around that time. However, social difficulties between girls, in particular, are happening at a younger and younger age. I have countless stories of difficulties between my grade 4 students over the years. These are situations where girls are purposely and maliciously mean, unkind, and exclusionary – things that you wouldn’t necessarily expect of 9- and 10-year-olds.

    Before I go on, I want to make an important point. I don’t want to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are the only ones who deal with social difficulties. I know that with the rise of social media, emotional and social-based bullying is prevalent across all genders. I, however, it should be said that typically boys deal with disagreements in more of a physical manner whereas girls attack each other emotionally and socially. This is obviously not true for everyone but it is historically the pattern.

    Going through middle school and high school I can recall several situations that would be categorized as “mean girl activity“. I remember the rise of three-way calling in the 90s as the weapon of choice for many girls. Two girls would collude to call a third without her knowing that someone was listening on the line. The first girl would get the other to say something mean about the third without her knowing that she was listening. What pursued was a barrage of attacks, as the “truth came out”. Admittedly, I was both the perpetrator and victim of this behaviour. It got to the point that girls would become paranoid whenever they received a phone call, asking numerous times if anyone else was listening on the line. Sabotaging each other socially is the number one way girls get at each other. And truth be told, there was no rhyme or reason behind it. It was simply to play off each other and test the boundaries of what we could get away with. Girls attack and play on anxieties of being alone or becoming a social pariah.

    “You know that I’m not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah, two years ago she told me hoops earrings were her thing, and I wasn’t allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hanukkah my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn’t even like them. It was so sad.”

     Gretchen Wieners (Mean Girls)

    I was well into my teens when I began to truly understand the notion of quantity over quality when it came to friendships. This is a lesson that needs to be learned not to be taught and sometimes it’s a difficult one to stomach. Understanding that true friends are those who will truly be with you through thick and thin comes with the territory of going through those trials. Some of my best friends are those who I have known since elementary school because those bonds have stood the test of time.

    As a mother of a young girl, I struggle with this immensely. I am proud to say that she is well-adjusted socially and typically well-liked by her peers. Up until this point, Hubby and I have done all of the managings of friendships – organizing play dates, birthday parties, zoom calls, etc. Now that she is older, she has significantly more autonomy over who she interacts with. Gone are the days when you should be friends with everyone in your class simply because you share a space with them. Yes, you must respect each other but you don’t necessarily have to form strong bonds. A few weeks ago, she came home to tell me she had planned a play date with her friends. She informed me of the time and day and all I had to do was take her there. This was the first time she had organized something on her own and I was happy to oblige.

    It is not all rainbows and sunshine though. And this is where I truly struggle. There are, of course, girls she is friends with whom I would not choose for her. Let me be frank and say I disagree with how they are brought up and how they interact in social situations. I worry that she may be influenced to try the things these girls do, even if just to see what it is like. I will say that this is a whole other can of worms for me to open up on another day. There are also girls with whom she does not get along. Not for any other reason that these girls lack social graces and verbal filters. It takes everything in me to not get involved when she tells me that girls in her class have said rude things to her. She lets these comments roll off her back, and sometimes has a witty retort for the other girl. I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of these things and I want to protect her with all my heart. I also know that these are paths she has to travel through on her own. With my map ideally, but without me in the driver’s seat.

    So how, as a mom, do you reconcile having your child do things on their own and wanting to protect them at all costs? How do you find the balance between knowing how kids can be and letting them forge their own path? All I want for her is to be a strong, confident girl. And she is, but I don’t want her to lose that at the hands of a peer. Knowing how girls can be, and knowing how mean they are to one another, how do I arm her with the social wherewithal to stand up for herself and not let things take up space in her head? Really, at the end of the day, all we can do is teach our girls to be strong-willed, strong-minded, and thick-skinned. We can build them up before others tear them down. We can give them the language to speak up and talk back. And we can pray that the Regina George’s of the world don’t get into their heads. Otherwise one day mama-bear is going to come out swingin’.

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • How To Be A Partner In Education Even If You Aren’t A Mindreader

    How To Be A Partner In Education Even If You Aren’t A Mindreader

    Our children spend six and a half hours a day in school. For those who are not mathematically inclined, that’s over thirty hours a week. That is a lot of time to be learning and growing and evolving without parents truly knowing the specifics of what happened in the day. And yet, we are often left wondering how we can do more at home, and support what is being taught. Are they grasping concepts? With the learning lag of online school still very much at the forefront, many parents are worried that they need to provide extra attention to learning, These questions are magnified by not really knowing what our children are doing during the day. What ARE they learning? What concepts are being covered? When the typical response to “what did you learn today” is either “I don’t know” or “stuff”, how can you even be effective?

    As a teacher, one of the most frequently asked questions is how to support children at home. Let it be said that I definitely don’t have all the answers. I do know that parents typically fall into one of two categories; those who are over-involved and those who are under-involved. Why is that the case? Because as we know with everything else in life, striking a balance is next to impossible. So why should supporting our children’s education be anything different?

    Instead, we inherently swing towards one of the extremes and wonder how to ease off the gas a bit more. I wanted to provide some basic tips and tricks for how to support children. These are things that teachers wish parents knew, and are easy to implement. The best part is that you don’t need to know what concepts are being covered to start!

    Everything starts at home, the night before. We have all heard of the importance of a good night’s sleep and I’m sure that many of you have bedtime routines down pat at this point… I’m certain more so for parental sanity than well-rested children wink. What I am referring to is before bedtime. In an effort to engage our children, many of them are over-programmed. Extra-curricular activities are important, don’t get me wrong. However, having a different activity every night of the week is a LOT. Every child is different, and where some can handle only one activity per week, others may be able to handle more. It’s important to remember that having multiple commitments can cause anxiety in children. I have had many conversations with students who have said they are unable to complete things at home or feel that they have too much going on because they have activities almost every day. This is a prime example of the importance of open dialogue between children and parents. This is not to say that the child who does not want to practice piano (cough cough my own child) gets to opt-out, but we do discuss the number of weekly commitments together.

    The use of an agenda is a fabulous tool. When our children are young, they are a great way to communicate with the teacher or vice versa. This helps to cut down on the unknowns of the day. When children are older, it is a great time-management tool. Unfortunately, many schools have paused the use of agendas due to Covid, as they try to minimize the items going back and forth from school. If you already have an agenda system in place, make sure to use it, and model for older children (grades 3+) how it can be helpful. Reviewing the agenda daily, and initialling it so that teacher can see you have read it is an easy start. If there is no agenda system in place, reach out to the homeroom teacher and see what the best form of communication is for weekly reminders, special days and upcoming assignments and assessments. This may look like a virtual newsletter, an email system, or even a virtual classroom. Don’t leave it to your child to tell you where to find the day-to-day information. That being said, no matter what the system, please do not expect the teacher to record verbatim what has happened in the day, as that is just not feasible.

    Reading at home is so important. This can be a bit of a no-brainer in theory but can be difficult to tackle in practice. When our kids are younger, we often read together with them; help them sound out the words or look for picture clues. As children get older and are more independent, parents do not always know the books they are reading (I mean, has anyone really had the time to pick up the most recent DogMan book??). This begs the question – how do you support reading? The good news for parents is that as students enter the end of primary and into junior grades, reading is more about explaining your understanding and less about your oral fluency. Talking about reading at home is the number one tip I give all parents of the students I teach. This means we need to talk about reading with our children, and always encourage them to support their thinking. These mini conversations can take place in the car on the way to school, at the dinner table, or right before bed. They do not have to be formal assessments.

    Simply ask what their favourite part is so far, what they think is going to happen next, or which character is they can relate to the best and then ask WHY. This is an area of need for all children (and especially gifted thinkers). Encouraging children to give more than a one-word answer, and think about supporting their thinking will give them a leg-up not just in literacy but in all subjects. I recognize that this assumes our children actually read at home, which I know many do not. The good news is that these conversations can be about any subject (space, chocolate cake, or Pokemon) – the key is in the WHY.

    The last point I want to cover is to ask children how they are feeling. This year, more so than others, brings with it a lot of anxiety. Whether children are back in the class, still online, or back and forth, there are a multitude of feelings. Taking time to ask children how they are doing, and giving them both the tools and the outlets to truly express it are imperative. I can tell you that 99% of children will not just walk up to a parent and articulate perfectly how they are feeling (nor would 99% of adults for that matter). Asking children to journal, mindmap, or colour a picture of their day are all ways that can help you understand how they are doing without a formal conversation. Check-ins will help gauge how they are doing with all the changes and uncertainty of the year. Just as our mental health is important, so is theirs. As they cannot necessarily advocate for themselves it is our job to ask questions to help them process. If there is interest, I can definitely go into this more in a later post.

    The only thing you definitely cannot do is read minds. Although we may want to, we cannot be flies on the wall in the classroom. Even as a 4th-grade teacher with a child in a grade 4 classroom, I STILL don’t know what she is doing on the daily. We all struggle with this. We will never know exactly what happened in the day but we can try to give children some tools to help them get through, And trust me, your child’s teacher will thank you. I know I would.

    This is life. Love, Mom.

  • Fri-ta-tta, Fri-tah-tta

    Fri-ta-tta, Fri-tah-tta

    I *may* have mentioned once or twice that breakfast for dinner is a go-to in my house. We love eggs, since they work so well for fast, easy suppers, and will be eaten by both picky N and pescatarian J. Frittatas are the best dish for throwing in whatever you have in the fridge and getting rid of the odds and ends. It’s also a great way to get veggies into children who think you are not a parent but a line-cook.

    My best tip is to invest in a cast-iron skillet. They are not as pricy as you may think. Here is a non-affiliate list of options from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=cast+iron+skillets&crid=20L868YPHXYO9&sprefix=cast+iron%2Caps%2C191&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_2_9 The cast iron makes the stove-to-oven action super easy. It also makes the egg super crispy (aks super delicious) on the edges. There is one simple thing you have to remember about cast iron. Under NO circumstances do you use soap to wash it. To clean, you can boil some water in the bottom of the pan or use salt as an abrasive to get the bits off the bottom. Then coat with oil before you put it away and it will be ready for the next time!

    So back to the egg-cellent recipe…. Here is the frittata base (mix the following all together):

    • 6 eggs
    • 1/4 cup milk
    • 1 garlic clove (or 1/2 tsp minced garlic)
    • 1/4 tsp salt (less if using a very salty cheese or meat)

    The best part, as always, is what you can mix in. In the photo on the left I have cherry tomatoes, brie, and zaatar seasoning. Not sure what to put inside? Here are some combinations ideas:

    • spinach and fontina cheese
    • bacon and cheddar cheese
    • peppers and onions
    • broccoli and white cheddar
    • sausage and peppers
    • salami
    • chicken and goat cheese
    • tomatoes and basil
    • mixed cheese
    • caramelized onions and swiss cheese

    Simply put your mix-ins at the bottom of the pan (minus any cheese) and cook them slightly. This is especially important for vegetables that hold a lot of water, such as spinach and broccoli. Otherwise, the eggs won’t set properly. Make sure there is enough oil in the pan so the eggs won’t stick, and pour the egg/milk mixture on top. Ensure the ingredients are all over the pan instead of in just one place. Top with the cheese. Bake at 400º for about 15-20 minutes. If you find the cheese is burning you can always lightly cover the pan with some tinfoil for part of the cooking time.

    Pictured right: Spinach, mushroom and an Italian 4-cheese blend

    I would love to know what you would put into your frittata! Share your combinations here for all to enjoy.

    This is life. Love, Mom.